A lot of I’s or The Problem with Great Responsibility

Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes

Oscar Wilde

Job hunting…. A friend recently said after spending hours on his C.V…

“How can it be this hard to make myself look good?”

Now on paper, I may be short the necessity, but I’ve excelled in most jobs I have taken on.

I blame myself for when I was young, I think I wanted to be nothing more than the writer struggling to find work… falls in love with the girl he can give nothing too, the girl who could have anything… to be just one story away from success and a happy ending.

Minus the one story away from success and the happy ending… and you’ve got me… As the penguins from Madagascar say

                 We’ve carefully reviewed
            your application and we’re grateful
          for the time and effort you put into it.
                  Unfortunately, on this
   occasion you have not met the criteria required
  for the role.However, there are lots more opportunities,
   so why not take a look and see if something else takes
                         your fancy?

Well to be honest… The job… The paid employment took my fancy, and in response to the question… To see if anything else took up my fancy…

Sad to say no.  Even though i have worked for the company before…  that’s another entry all together.

So really onward to new days and un complicated futures, moving towards a new lease of life I discover more about myself and rediscover memories of old days past.  Smiles and flicks of hair, hands held under tables, laughter of old friends and stresses over plaster and the internal plumbing of a buildings that weren’t mine, thoughts that have moved on to be replaced with…   What, well, new memories.

Returning to the pen, three stories complete, each with a personal part of my soul actually shredded out and on paper, I set to work, with what I know, more writing.  Back to the secret project that is Emily, but I find my script smarter than me… How can my characters earn what their writer cannot?

Which brings me to another bit of prose… my Curriculum Vitae, my resume, my reason I want to work, all bundled up with a neat history of well not much, which all together leads me down a path where I reflect on my previous responsibilities

“Having worked for the past seven years with the public in an array of environments and situations, I have developed excellent customer skills and always provide a professional and friendly demeanor. I have gained managerial experience including monetary and key holder responsibilities over employments and consider myself to be computer literate, hard-working and reliable.”

A few to name. Jack of all trades and a master of none.  I hate this saying.

I’ve assisted in the running of a busy pizzeria in a beautiful location on the Barbican, the restaurant/nightclub itself called View 2 the Barbican…  It took me about a year of coming and going to this place to discover its real name… which then stunned me stupid.  It was here I reflected more on where I was going, what I was doing, customer service is a brilliant, funny and a demanding thing; I mean, we all love to be the one waited on, rather than being the one running around waiting on s, but most business demand a high level of it and it and in every advert I see, “A high level of customer service is needed” leaves me with the presumption that the fat cats love to service customers.

My last three employments have been in the restaurant, bar, nightclub industry, where I feel I rather would have been suited in chemical warfare or cannon fodder, I suck at those call of duty games.   Don’t get lost in the names, it was one venue, a lot of events and I found myself as I have always been in my employments one of the first points of contact for a lot enquiries and nonsense.  A lot of good times but I told myself I would try to stay away from that trade.

In most employments I have also enjoyed cash handling responsibilities, which entails handling lots of cash.  My favourite job as it helps me relate to high earning fat cats, sadly I do always carry out my monetary duties which on the plus side requires me playing with their cash, giving it to someone else I.e. The bank.   Which already have their own, or actually just have everyone else’s money who then play around with that and inject it just like a virus all over the place.

I then earn my own cash when employment decides to pay you, and they get to choose how much too.  This unfortunately really really rubs me up the wrong way, and im certain if i was a cat… Id bite them, but I realise in a respectful manner if they were paying me everything I ever wanted in life, then there wouldn’t be anything to write about.  Who wants to enjoy life when you can survive it?

Anyway id’ probably just spend my money on sweets and colourful things.

Next- Call centres: Ethics and business and the fact I care too much.


Old days and new future


Old days and new futures.  Old friends just more facial hair.  The past is something to hold on to weather we desire it other not.  Buddhist teaching tells us that desire is “in a word wrong”, though we all reach for the stars we all understand that the day job provides the economical injection we need to obtain the goal.  Walking paths that others shun upon, I’m reaching and will forever be reaching.  It’s time to heal wounds and move on to better days.  As bad as life can be…. It’s also beautiful

Aptly entitled “Home”

I haven’t written in a while, I got stuck.  Got lost in-between the words and the feeling, am I writing what I feel, or what others want to read.  I have no idea.
I know my times been taking up visiting home, visiting family.  Hours spent sharing whiskey with the old man, chasing the cat, avoiding odd strangers who believe to be old “friends of mine”, funny enough a took un unexpected trip to business expo to meet my brothers bit on the side (by bit on the side I mean one of his many music acquaintances’), adventure golf with my Cousin Benjamin John

Over the course of being home, Time moved very fast, also blessed with the most awesome of beginnings to October, a heat wave, yes a heat wave, in October, in England!!.  The only place where you can find four seasons within a day.

Finding myself drawn to bigger questions and still very very lost.

What is it to be home?  

To be surrounded by the ones you love, the ones who want the world for you?

Those that support you no matter what.  Those who are there to call your own.  The same as you may feel to another.  There is nothing quite like the way family love you.  Maybe why I’m so ok, to accept people into mine, Love, I don’t think… is an easy thing to find these days.

In a life, at bottom base, (I don’t know baseball, it may show, I’m not totally sure, but I definitely know that ill end up using “I’m” a lot through this post) with nothing in my pocket but a pen, some paper and some coins to get me through, of course I am the richest man in the world because of the love surrounding me.  Right?

Burning up inside. Consumed and choking, I feel small, when I want to reach big.  Growing far away from the norm, desperately needing a reality check, one of which I’m running away from as I write, it’s coming, and weather I accept it or not.  Fate catches up to us one way or another.

One thing I have learned and I may have written it before, and a line that is totally stolen from a movie, and is that love makes it home.  Love.

With all that’s lost, I still can love. And to me that’s the most beautiful thing in the world.

I’m just looking for adventure, to laugh in the face of danger, so ill keep running, and keep the naughtiness alive.

As I begin to find direction, and to step up and take what I want.  I have to rememer to be good to those who are bad to me, to be great for the ones who believe in me.

Just know… I want to share it with you.

The original speech that made me smile.(Below)