Gone but not gone, but living in the shadows

When I was young… I wanted to be a superhero.  Stupid I know, have you actually seen superhero movies.  Firstly the lead has to lose someone close to them, literally ripped from their world which then inspires the depressed character to wear a costume and puts every one else’s problems on his shoulders… Why? I still have no idea.

After struggling to find work, I eventually did, like the hand of god bestowing upon me work… it’s not pretty, it’s not grand.  But it eats my soul… and it’s an utter distraction from writing… so must be the day job! I’ve also caused more pain than good… always great to carry a lot of guilt around…

In the habits of heroes and villains, every day has been a challenge, even so forewarned in days of school and family lectures about the hardship of life.

I spend my days, struggling to survive because life deems it I have grades, I have aptitude I just don’t have the ability to change my head, my thought process, forever ticking over like mechanical clocks, incapable of changing my life because of circumstance and yet still can do nothing but disappoint one person in life I shouldn’t.  I’ve heard all about life, fate, adventures and destiny, I believe we all share a bond and are connected so that we all have parts to play in other lives.  Suicide and murder, essentially death out-of-place change the game… we all have our corresponding pieces out there, we must bond with, lend an ear too, hold outside a simple toy shop.  But the rules in the game have preceded the true potential of others or the future.  Everything has been thrown off course because some cannot feed themselves, where others borrow for the latest in entertainment and debauchery.

Here’s me, signing out, in the lost, hoping to find it all again soon.

I guess this is really me returning


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